I was young and have child also my age fourteen year old, and tree year letter having another girl we have two child I give them name first Susie Shawabah rahmah second child Julia rahmah I need to lean take care the baby girl with love even husband betray me almost all the time when he have a job in cinema, one thing I will taking care what ALLAH give to me, even I hidden about tragic live, since seven year older still conceal in my heart no body can believe to telling, I expect to receive happily ever after some day, good luck no coming into my live yet. And one more time we going to my real mother in the village near town from cirebon I wish she can help for us, she have job in Islamic government, when we come there she not look happy, cause we bother her also doesn't like children voice, I ask her for help looking job for my husband but she say if you sale house in Bandung and also give her money she can help and she will let us to sty in another house when I thing that is not helping she also greedy with money and I tell her that is not possible to sale. When time to bed I fill so tired in the night some thing make me week up I don't see my husband be side me but I back to sleep till in the morning am doing clean house and when I look to my husband my filling stranger like what he doing some wrong last night is come to my main he making love with my real mother, still in my heart like emptiness nothing to do with all that, and the day my mom she going to work when I sty in the untie house only next door my husband still sleeping he come letter but when my mom comeback from office she just angry with me cause she missing two ring and she going to the mystic man when she come back she give every body water still blame me even my tear droop in my face she don't believe, I sure she knew who take her ring but she concealed her self what they doing last night she said I can't growing up and come down in my life. When we back from village we not talk to much and he decide to see he's family after well sister in law come to my house she say I need to coming there, we are sty in he's family I not believe all them so nice, like having small party and the answer is my husband have some money when I ask him where is money from he ones tome he sale my mom ring. Finally I separate with him promise my self never again in my live be together and never married again. My husband have brutal live taking another women to my neighbor hood she already fragrance, he never take care to he's child till there ground up after we separate no even give me divorce. I'm strong enough for live and be passion and pry everything we will give to Allah. And Allah dint give this to me without so many reasons.
And the next-door also won taking the house, am respect them like second parent even they always abased since my father dead one thing for me is better abided that will have gold, and that time also my child sty with the father some time, the next door they kick me out from my own house we that nothing also the san he's selling all my staff. I`m bay my own all the problem take in my self no much I can do only moving and the first to visit my rice sister she sty in Jakarta and that house in Bandung only her daughter alone and good thing for me cause so close to my job before I looking for rent small room for us that what I been planning,
And I took to my cousin maybe she let me sty there for a, while she's snoopy and big hade she have been school in the university she know I don't have good education so way I have job in billiard and than she call her mother like she not agree when I sty there next day my sister coming and also when I come back from work she just tell me do not staying in her house cause make her embarrassing with her neighbor cause I have job in billiard and also she `s med her husband he citing with girl from billiard and she blame me again is like am wrong get that job in billiard she not even won to help me for clear my problem and also we are not close with the other she like perfect got everything but not heart, she hurting my filling but am taking to good thing and leaning for live that I knew any deferent character in to person any palace any country all the same, we have vive character all the world in deferent person
Just one I don't have yet to now who I'm where am from and where I will back to real world, which make me wonder to now the secret live, upon my faith truth is mighty and it prevail, it matters not to be of sad about that the judgment of Allah.
That time I leafing from her house to sty with my fried next day I have own room smaller but enough for us, and my daughter she still sty with father and the are don't know where I been we missing with the other I cannot wait to take them but that day also when am working they came to my job and she about tell me is no came table to sty any longer with them, she like so hungry and they are walking about one our from family to the town when I been working how not to sad if I show my daughter have bad condition only sty for while and few our letter her uncle coming there also he won to take them back,I`m so mad and tell him I never let them away from my arm.
So we happy to be together again even we don't have much money just enough for eaten and paying room, we are happy some time my daughter she won same thing like another child, I tell them to be passion respect what we got and that is from Allah also we are must leaning to be poor one day who know we will change life I always telling them to do good thing and respond another people, in that palace also not only us we have like vive room so that way when I work in the night doesn't make me worry we have like family,
And when am off my fried ask me in her birthday for go to discothèque I never been before and I thing what is look like for me is like stranger name. But I will try why not everything in life you must try that sound from my heart.
When we been there my fried have boy fried from India some time also to lean for speak English and I still member when am in the school, just for few word and we dance together, I dint look around but some body watching me I feel that way cause so many Indonesia people over there also white man we call them bule. And we dance again all my fried be site me he dance also without women and he looking at me all the time, we take rest he also the same we won say hello but still give ambaries in the heart that be the same filling few our letter he ask me for dance not only him watching me also he's friend and we are finish he ask me to back with him.
My first time be together with white man but before is happen I tell him everything about my live and I have child, he have good heart, he told me to bring them staying with us and how happy am that time cause make lest problem some one who take care for my family and also I tell him bout my husband we been separate for many years I wonder to have divorce paper from government I don't wont make trouble for him, I now character for my ex husband he already planning to do bad thing and I tell him is better in case before that happen, we have good live together also to my kid when the are need love from father and he's perfect man, taking care, loving and I love him so much some time I would like to say thanks to him for give us good life we been tree year together we always happy Just some time we going out.
Some time I remember when we been traveling every where and I pregnancy
The year before you leaving Am so happy to have baby again but he say not cause he worried us so much soon I'm leafing who care for baby that when he told me and I take abortion even I new that is big sin in my religion but lest problem for me, and all my family may only abased and the never understand me why some one from out site country with deferent culture understanding to give us love and he told me to be strong person still leaning the live much more I never been yet, time to him going back to he's family even that make me hurting so much, am respect life must be like that. ALLAH sending him to us for while we never forget him forever
And I been sick for few month we are rent house for two year before he living,
Since he left my filling like gone also, some day my friend her name titi come visit us, she won introduce her friend and she tell me he's nice man from England his name Kenneth birch.
We will meet in the restaurant when I been there looking for my friend but she not there when I order some drink I ask him waiting for somebody we took little while and he waiting for my friend so we waiting for her she never come,
And he like me a lot so that night we together and all the same I telling true for my the same live the same story, in the morning am ready to leafing and he say come again to night and when back home I tell to my first daughter to come see him again but my daughter say better to meet him she don't like she show me sad all the time thinking about darcisJosef he's name.
And I bring also my daughter to meet him, my filling doesn't like him so much, and he have wife have problem some time with her.
My first daughter she just say sty with he look aright, I don't respect him in to my heart, but just out site and money for take care my children, and also am not to sty waiting for him and take his money I thing need to tell him for rent car and I be driver he have job in I, P,T,N.but his so stingy a week he just give me four hundred rupee and if am working for driver I have more money, after that he rental car and am he's driver to take him work some time ask me for go to markets his drinks allot that I dint like him so much and he always going to pub meet his friend introduce me to them the are don't know about me they ask him were you meet me, and that make him so a proud by him self make me boring to sty with him cause everybody now from him self he been married she will coming also for me that make happy when be with him, I must understand about him but never understand me, and he asking for help him for looking house, but my salary still four hundred he not give more, and when I ask him give more money and he will give every month one million rupee with everything, that been few year when I thing how much his friend paying for the driver more than that I never argue about, for us having better live than before off cause not like when am with Josef, and also when I see so many girl in the pub change a man every night ,I fill sad cause they also doesn't like to have life like that. I'm so tired been with him also when his wife coming but is nothing to do with her my feel is like she also have problem with him I feel sad, one night when we been to the pub together we meet my fried he now also we are took drink so much alcohol and I take car so I must control, and when she won back home ask him to a ride with us and I drive be side his wife behind us him with my friend I hear when his kissing her and I tell to Judy that his wife what is going on back she just smiling not say anything I sure she now what he's doing with my friend and when I ask him in the morning he say he dint do anything his layer, also been sleeping with her before he meet me and he don't give her much money so she life him and I not understand why she won introduce us and I never have problem with her and also not to friendly, but when she show me drive she thinking I'm lucky she don't know how I feel she just been jealous even she already married, and the day when my birthday he ask me to some restaurant she not even thing about my daughter he's so selfish never thing for anybody us, when we in the restaurant we been there so many time the owner they know us to some time they looking me so bad, when I thing so many girl together with married man why
They not say anything he so nice to them front of me but I don't care they never now me yet is only out site me. And we have drink no so many people that day he so enjoy and look happy probably in my birthday must be me,
But am not when, some one coming he looking to me and he ask me to site next to me and I say way not, he introduce his name Richard miller to ken and wife we talking and he asking him about me he told him am his secretary that when I been to toilet and when am back he so gentle we talk again what I will doing to night cause my birthday he also won invited me for go some were but ken he not look happy he like want to smack him and he told him to sty away from me also won take me to pub my plan I'm going with dick, am boring with them always drank any time, they not happy without drink I promise to him we meet again to night and he left early when we decide to rest ken with wife doesn't talk but he told me I must ready for to night, he take me like slave
Cause he pay me for driver but he not pay when he sleeping with me. Even I feel embarrass with his friend they say how can his been together with two women going together everywhere not yet with all driver from I,P,T,N they laughing talking bad, but I must save my life with kid my opinion live for leaning even I'm not been to high school and we not been in the earth for ever I believe Allah watching us all the time to make true who is right who is wrong in the end that will see everything what we done.
And when I back home just change clause and am go to see him, that time we together we not sty for long he have contract to china. Some time we still have contact until one time he send me money bay his friend, And I still waiting for him but that is the end we never meet again, and I still working for driver even I don't like his character I still need money for life one day when I'm not driver his taking car bay him self when finis his job is coming to my home and he ask me for bay bier in market near from my home and in the home only my first daughter so when I come back look like nothing happen after his gone my daughter tell me what his doing to her try to kissing her.
In the morning when he coming I ask him what he doing last night to my daughter and he said he do nothing his layer am so med with him, I want finish job with him but in my country is not so easy looking for job, my congratulation only in the first school so every factory not accept that and just job for driver I can do it that all, I don't ask some body or family for help what my opinion try to do the best for you life by you self and never ask some body again that be hearting my filling so I still work for him to saving my life. So many years we been together until I don't have choice for change and asking him to married me with my religion he will come be Muslim but even he have Christianity but he never been to church, he want tradition married we that religion not event going to office also his wife never now cause there in I Indonesia will be badly together with white man also where we living in the place when the people not understand yet for white man also there make deferent about skin and culture they only thing white man have a` lot money.
And he bought me small home and land and the next land we building house we sale old home but am always going out the country in the house only my daughter one year two time I'm been every were to Europe and England he take me to deferent country but still not enough for me cause I need living my daughter for every tree mount's make me sad also to live them alone he still been married am sure Judy know that even his travel allots that be with me, so way she also have boy friend is so close with them I'm not blame her
Before hi told me I already want to life him some day to be my self again every were I'm going that not make me happy still in site my heart is empty, just waiting for the time to meet some one will be real husband long time ago when fighting with my ex husband I been praying to Allah give me right thing and change my life and I have dream about my future with real husband we are so happy. Last time I never now who is it the picture in my dream will be my real husband just hoping my dream come true, and when I come back from England my first daughter she been together with her boy friend that time she not tell me yet she try to make abortion bay her self with tradition herb she don't have money for check to the doctor I new some thing wrong with her look deferent finally she tell me she is pregnancy and still been in the high school only one more semester but she don't want go back to class her filling embarrass I must do the best for her one thing gate married also her boy friend the same class only deferent school anyway his parent doesn't like it there don't want take responsibility and also his laying to his parent one thing must to do taking care for them and we talk to my ex husband his agree for married them in his palace but he don't want helping for money everything for money I take care bay my self and there are sty with my ex. husband for few month letter on they come back to my house because I still traveling with ken,
My san in low he not have job also he so lazy and like a kid the parents they never helping with material no even came for san wedding but I will respect all that still my family when am in England always send money for them that starting they lay tome for money my san in low his so smart to be layer and deceit he want look like rich family and my daughter she pregnancy and her husband some time bring he's friend to my house and I filing stranger about his friend and the end I new his citing with his friend am tell her already before she don't believe me after she having baby boy two month letter the are divorce and I still taking care for everything also for the baby because after that she have job in restaurant and ken still came back to Bandung some time and we going to Bali and Lombok I don't know what his planning